Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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