I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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