he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
