Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
