i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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