I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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