we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
