I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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