Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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