I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
