everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
