so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
