its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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