You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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