Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
