How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
