The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
