I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
