i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
