the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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