god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
