Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
