I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
