we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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