A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
