Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
