Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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