I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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