I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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