Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
