Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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