so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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