it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
why is half of my head shaved?
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