I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
