I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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