also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
