Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
