ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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