So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
