I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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