His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
