Moan for me like Helen Keller
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Enjoy the penises
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
