I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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