You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
