Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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