No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
