She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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