dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
