dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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