hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
