You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
