yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
