He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
