yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
