we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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