Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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