Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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