Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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