You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I supernannyed him into submission
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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