the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
