I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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