I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
