also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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