Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.