there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.