I didn't shave. On purpose
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
