Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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