my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
