I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
