It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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