Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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